A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m.
when he found CEO standing in front of a shredder with
a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO,
"this is a very sensitive and important document,
and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing
work?" Certainly," said the young executive. He turned
the machine on, inserted the paper, and
pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!"
said the CEO. As his paper disappeared inside the
machine. "I just need one copy."
Lesson I - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows
everything
Story: 2
A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the
teller at the window: "I want to open a damn checking
account." To which the astonished woman
replies: "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?" "Listen up
bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account
right now!" "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not
tolerate that kind of language in this bank." Having
said this, the teller leaves the window and
goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her
problem customer.
They both return and the manager asks the old
geezer: "What seems to be the problem here?" "There's
no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says.
"I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and
I want to open a damn checking account in this damn
bank!" "I see," says the manager
thoughtfully. And you're saying that this bitch here
is giving you a hard time?"
Lesson II - If you are RICH, you can get away with
almost anything.
Story: 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane
on the way to LA when the American turned to the
Japanese and asked, "What kind of ese are you?"
Confused, the Japanese replied, "Sorry but I don't
understand what you mean." The American repeated,
"What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the
Japanese was confused over the question. The
American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of
-ese are you...Are you a Chinese,
Japanese,Vietnamese !, etc......??? " The Japanese
then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the
Japanese turned to the American and asked what
kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated,
yelled, "What do you mean what kind of '-key' am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkey, or
monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
Story: 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, a
British and a French, who found this small genie
bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him
out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4
swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When
you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you
want the pool of water to become, then your wish will
come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool,
jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately
changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was
so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next
is the Russian's turn, he did the same andshouted,"
VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The
German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He
was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the
British. He was running towards the pool when suddenly
he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool
and shouted, SHIT!!!!!!!. ........"
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something,
because sometimes what you say accidentally does
happen.
Story: 5
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss
are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a
park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the
lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally,
one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I
will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager
shouts, I want the first wish. I want to be in the
Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries for a
month. "Pfufffff, and he is gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and
shouts, "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls,
plenty of food and cocktails for a month."
"Pfufffff, and he is also gone. Then it's the boss's
turn, and he says calmly, "I want these two idiots
back in the office after lunch"
Lesson V- "Always allow the bosses to speak first".
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