Why? Because today is my emotional day for me. I got something bad 'news' that I can't accept it in my life. I'm not complaining, but that is the fact that I have to tell ya. My emotional, my mood, my thinking and my rational has turned me into something that it is hard for me become a normal ones.
I just feel that I lost something that I have earn it for la long time. I give half of my life to sacrifice myself just for one good things - love. I create back my feelings that I don't trust for along time - love. And I try to believe that there is only one feeling that could make me happy and give back my life that I lost for several years - love.
I don't blame anybody. I believe in one good reason - fate. I believe that for one good reason this could happened to me and I have to find out deeply in myself for what I had done wrong maybe or what i had done mistakes.
I hated myself of what I had done. But I'm not regret of what I had going trough since the word 'Love' had craft in my heart. It just....I can't accept for a reason we break - there is no love feelings anymore.
For one good reason...just for one good reason I can say right now, we need some spaces to know each other although I know her more than I love her. We need some spaces to settle down our problems soo that we can set back our life as before although I'm not in that way of reason.
Perhaps maybe that is the best way me can say to myself that that is the fate of our relationship. Maybe there is something missing that we don't realize each other and maybe we should learn how to love somebody in a full honesty and loyalty.
We know that we had tried to love each other. We know that we had tried to give a full comitment each other- no doubt about that. But as she said, we failed to love. But for me, I'm not failed. I gave her my full love and feelings, my full loyalty and my full commitment that I promised as before. And to be honest, I'm proud of what I had done but I'm just regret that we could not stand our relationship for a long time. At least we had tried. That is for sure.
As I said, my feeling is always same. Though we can't stand our relationship, but I still have the same feeling before. To love her till death invites me. Even I can't still have the same feelings as before, at least my promises to love her as greatest friend of all would be fine. It is not just fine, but it would be the best way for me to appreciate her as the chance and commitment she had gaves to me before.
If you ask me about my feelings, it is a simple answer I can give. I can still smile, laugh as before andI can still have my life back as before. Okay, I just lost the 'love' thingy but as I said, i never regret because atleast for a 2 years of my single life before, I had met with someone that she can give me atleast some hope and my spirit back and I learn how to appreciate myself since a year I know her.
There is no reason to hate, there is no reason to revenge, the is no reason to cut off the relationsip. I had known her for 5 years, get closer in one year, start falling in love in just three months and we had falling in love each others. We had tried, yes we tried.
My last hope, we can still have a good friends relationship as before, having a quality time together as a friend, having some fun as before and hopefully we can know each other better than before. And we can earn a respect as a friend like before.
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I never regretted asking you to dance with me on that fateful night. Ever. For fate played it's hand and showed me what was possible if we tried and gave ourselves a chance. For that twinkle in your eyes, that radiance in your cheeks, and the loveliness of your lips when you smile I have felt better. Better then any substance comsumable would ever be able to intoxify us into such feelings. An obsesion, an addiction you may be. But healthy and postive one it is.
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